Child support is often a touchy subject — both the payer and the recipient may feel like they’re getting a raw deal..
Unfortunately, those hard feelings often get transferred to the children involved. Parents who receive too little support forget that it isn’t the child’s fault that his or her needs exceed what the court has ordered the other parent to pay. Parents paying support, especially if they think it is too much, may be easily tempted to just write the support check and then forget about the child until the next month.
The children at the center of these dysfunctional relationships are the ones who end up suffering because monetary support is only part of what they really need. While it is important that parents who care for children have to cover their basic necessities, like food, shelter and clothing, it’s also important for the children to receive the emotional and social support they need from both their custodial and noncustodial parent alike.
Children who don’t get enough of this support from noncustodial fathers often feel abandoned, are subject to self-loathing, have more behavioral and adjustment problems and generally feel unlovable. Children who don’t get the emotional and social support they need from noncustodial mothers often believe they are the reason their mother isn’t around. They feel irrationally guilty and are often unable to bond well with others for fear that those others will also leave.
Ultimately, if custodial parents want the best for their children, they need to set aside their money conflicts and encourage noncustodial parents to be involved in their children’s lives. Noncustodial parents also need to look past their frustration at the family court system and make the effort to emotionally involve themselves more in their children, even though they can’t be there all the time.
Fair or not, the burden to make certain that children of divorce don’t feel abandoned by their noncustodial parents falls hardest on those noncustodial parents — they may have to fight to enforce their visitation rights and even seek modifications of the existing court order if necessary.
If you need help modifying an existing child support or custody and visitation order, talk to an attorney today.
Source: For Harriet, “Child Support Is Never Just About The Money,” Anna Gibson, accessed Sep. 08, 2017