Are you the mother of a young child or two and about to go through a divorce? If so, you may need to revise what you think you know about child custody — especially if you assume that the court is likely to award you full custody simply because you’re the mom.

Attorneys says that they find themselves cautioning more and more women on how to avoid losing their custody battle with their spouse. It’s important to keep in mind that two of the biggest factors that can influence a judge’s decision in your custody case is how well you control yourself and how careful you are to avoid being negative about the other parent.

A lack of personal self-control and good judgment is a red flag for many judges that a mother is not capable putting her children’s needs ahead of her own. In particular, losing control of your temper in the courtroom or in front of anybody that might testify in that courtroom — like your child’s guardian ad litem or psychologist, a teacher, principal or social worker — is important. Losing your temper over something is likely to reflect negatively on you even if you are totally justified in your anger — so stay calm, no matter what trick your ex has pulled.

This ties directly into the need to exercise self-control and personal restraint around your ex-spouse. Don’t leave angry, threatening or verbally abusive text messages on his or her phone. That signals both immature and a lack of concern for the welfare of your children to the judge — especially if there’s a chance they may overhear the message.

Child custody is no longer something that is automatically given over to the mother on the basis of the idea that she’s the more nurturing, capable parent. That outdated notion is long gone from most of the nation’s courtrooms. In order to get help with a custody order, seek an attorney’s advice. For information on how our firm could help you, please visit our page.